Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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