I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
