Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
