I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize