Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
