In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
