i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
