I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize