me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're like the curious george of whores
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
