JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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