So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pooping to opera.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize