clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
