I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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