I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
