I need help removing her.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
