I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
