I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
