C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
