You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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