Acid is not a monday night drug
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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