I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
