yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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