Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
