i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize