Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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