Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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