i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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