Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize