Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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