I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
