did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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