And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
