I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
