In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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