Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize