Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
