Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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