I am puke
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
