I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
