Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
