Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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