i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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