You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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