Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
