You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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