is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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