i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
