We won't sleep together?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
