you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize