if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I didn't notice because vodka
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
