He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Congratulations! We have a period
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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