I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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