Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am one with the molecules
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize