I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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