Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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