and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize