I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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