it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize