Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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