Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
