I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
