So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
