Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
