i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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