Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh god it's open bar.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
