Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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