you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
