to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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