weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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