we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
