I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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