On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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