We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
