Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
