i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
