She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize