4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
