i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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