turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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